The Forbiden Froots of Nobody
by oOoLovelyAnklesoOo
Summary: Galactica, a totes too kewl 4 skool hipster kid, is the new girl in school and she wants to sweep Edward off his feet. A parody of The Forbiden Fruit of Edward Cullen.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! This will be a parody of The Forbiden Fruit of Edward Cullen. I hope you like it! I took the liberty of changing some things from the actual story.**

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Hi I'm Galactica Rebornica Angelface (everyone calls me Gally or just Gaa or Gra if you like). I am 16 years young and I live in Forks, Washington! My hair is long and smooth and red as a Dr. Pepper can. It shimmers down my bootyful back in bootyful locks of beauty. My eyes are orange *tee hee so quirky Mary Sueeee* I am slender and pale like a lily in bloom on a frigid winter's night or some pretentious crap like that. Like, every dude tries to get in my pants. Old dudes too ew. I wish they'd leave me alone. It's, like, every guy! Even girls sometimes!

I'm super tall and have big boobers. I used to hate how I look but now I like it. Screw all the idiots who say otherwise. Mainstream jerks. People tend to stare at me because I am so eccentric. they just can't handle it. I wear big black non-prescription glasses, dark colored turtlenecks, dark pants, scarves, coffee always in hand. That kind of stuff. You know, things the mainstream views as "hipster" even though I'd never be caught dead calling myself that. I listen to obscure bands because they're less likely to sell out.

Anyways, it is my first day of school in Forks. I had just moved here with my foster parents David and Maria. They are really nice and stuff but they aren't my real family. I've been hurt way too many times to let anyone in. My mom died when I was born and I've never met my dad. I wonder what he is like all the time and if I'll ever meet him. David gave me a ride to school and I smiled as he wished me good luck and drove off. I went into the school. Lots of people stared at me, despite me saying I didn't care earlier, and it made me mad. I was wearing black thigh high socks and some black boots with some black torn up booty shorts. I also had a black tank top on and over that was a mesh, brown shirt that showed my shoulders. Screw dress code. I ignored the whispers of preppy cheerleaders and jocks, the main puppets of the mainstream. I was so used to it. Some jerks asked for my numbers, despite my not knowing them or if they're jerks. I told some random girl to shut her fat mouth as she said the word 'freak." who cares if she wasn't talking to or about me! I'll cut someone. Don't think I won't. My first day was so boring. I sat gazing out the window at the gray, tear stained sky. As if God were crying and the sky were his crying rag thing oh my gosh am I poetic omg shower me in love.

Teachers tried to tell me to go change but I told them to screw themselves. Screw respect for authority.

I have some ear piercings and I have a tattoo for some reason on my shoulder of a Plumbob from the Sims. That game saved my life. I have a weird birthmark in the shape of a bunny standing up. I've had it all my life, obviously. IDK why I'm bothering to tell you all this. I'm not like other girls. I have kind of a weird secret. When I sleep at night I hear whispers and faces in my dreams. They speak in words I don't know yet I understand at the time. I don't remember much when I wake up, though. I even see, out of the corner of my eye, my birthmark moving. The bunny dances at night! I swear! I am super lithe and graceful like a four year old trying to ice skate. I'm faster than anyone ever. Eat your heart out, Wilma Rudolph! I'm so mysterious and unattainable. Maybe that's why everyone likes me. I feel like there's some truth on the edge of my mind. I can't tell what it is...

At lunch I sat alone and looked around the cafeteria. I listened to my fave band, Double Dollar Sock Spiders (you wouldn't know them) as I glared at people talking about Nicki Minaj and Justin Beiber. Such puppets. I noticed a uber hawt dude with tussled sandy blond hair and light amber eyes and he was so pale and sexy. He was tall and had mussels in his arms. Where did he get seafood? He looked as though he was wearing eyeliner. I got all hot like an erection but I didn't get one, you sickos. Then some ugly wraith like chick with crown hair put his arms around him. So I was like "ugh whatevs. He's spoken for.". She wasn't as hawt as him but she still wasn't uggo. I feel like I've known him before...somehow...But I'd remember someone that beautiful.

Oh well. I'd never invade on another girl's turf. So I got up to leave and walked though the halls. I decided I'd go smoke some black cigarettes and lean against a wall to look cool. I looked back for a moment to catch his eyes. Then I ran out. I leaned against a locker with one foot on the ground and the other on the locker against my back. I then wandered around to my next class. Then I bumped into someone and my books fell everywhere. Frick frack FRICK FRACKKKK!

"What was that for, you moron!?" I screamed.

"I'm so sorry. Let me help you with your books-"

"OMG!"

The hawt dude!


	2. Chapter 2

**I've changed a lot of stuff from cannon to make this story work. So Edward is not a vampire. He is a normal kid who got tangled up with this chick. He is cousins with Bella in the story to add to it. There's an assault later in this chapter so proceed with caution. **

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**Edward's POV**

It was my fault, really. I hadn't been watching where I was going. I picked the books up as quickly as I could to give them to her. The weird looking new girl. She was growling a little bit. I started to back up but stopped when she looked at me. The anger drained from her eyes.

"Uh. Whatevs. I didn't mean to be rude," she said suddenly.

"It's ok. It was my fault. Sorry about that," I said. I looked her up and down. How had she gotten away with wearing _that_ to school? She smiled.

"I'm Galactica Rebornica Angleface! But you can call me Gra or Gaa!" She started twirling her hair between her fingers.

_I thought I had heard a teacher call her Lauren. What's with this weird name?_

"I'm Edward Cullen." Should I be telling this weird girl my name?The hallways were beginning to empty. The late bell would be ringing soon.

"It was nice talking to you," I started. "But I really should get to class."

I turned to leave but she grabbed my arm and yanked me back around to face her.

"What do you really think of me?!" She stood on her tippy toes and was close to my face.

"I don't know. You're ok, I guess, can I go now-"

"Ugh you skank!" she nearly screamed the words.

_What in the world?_

Her grip tightened around my wrists.

"I couldn't help but notice your girlfriend! I saw you two in the cafeteria!" she hissed in my face.

"What? I don't have a girlfriend. Are you talking about my cousin Bella?"

I remembered her coming to me upset about something at home. I had let her cry on my shoulder. Suddenly this girl's finger nails dug into my skin. I grit my teeth against the pain. She then pulled me til her back hit a wall and she forced my hands into her pants. I tried to pull away but she latched onto me. She kissed me hard on the mouth. I wouldn't normally do this to someone but I shoved her off. I felt the smallest bit of regret when she hit the wall. This was my change to get away from this deranged person.

"You freak!" I yelled as I backed away.

"BASTARD! DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!"

_Was she serious?!_

I broke out into a run to get away from this demented girl.


End file.
